Anxiety at work - working with wolves

🐺 "It’s Like Working with Wolves" – When Anxiety at Work Becomes a Problem for your Nervous System...

Ever feel like work has become a game of survival rather than a place to grow and thrive? Perhaps you experience every meeting as a minefield, email messages as a potential trap or power play, or every sigh in the corridor as if someone’s judging you?

Sadly, you may not be imagining things!

I can tell you that as a woman feeling insecure about toxic work culture, that you are not the only one who is lying awake at night replaying conversations, second-guessing decisions made about your work, or wondering if you’ve somehow become a problem.

Many women I work with arrive in counselling saying things like:

"I’m constantly on edge at work – even when I’m doing a good job, I feel like I’m about to be caught out." "It’s like walking into a lion’s den every morning." "I feel like I have to hide who I am just to get through the day so I keep my mouth shut and head down."

What you’re experiencing may not be ‘just anxiety’ – it could be a natural response to a psychologically unsafe work environment. That shifts how we work with the anxiety in therapy.

🔐 What Is Psychological Safety?

Psychological safety means being able to show up at work as yourself without fear of humiliation, punishment, judgement or being pushed out.

It means:

• Being free and confident to say what you really thinking without being shot down

• Being free and safe enough to make and own mistakes without being scapegoated

• Being relaxed enough to ask questions without being side-eyed or being made to feel stupid or incapable

• Being able to collaborate freely and achieve without being undermined or derailed

  
  

When any of this is missing in our work place, it doesn’t just hurt our performance as women (or men for that matter) – it messes with our nervous system. If we are humans and in touch with our emotions and aware not numbed, it can even put us into constantly trying to calm down naturally activated fight-or-flight mode. We are left using buckets of energy trying to manage the impossible: doing a good job whilst constantly looking over your shoulder, and hiding all that nervous distress. If we plough through it and have numbed our emotions we become shut down and learn unhealthy coping strategies: ignoring our psycho-social needs and warning system.

🚨 What Unsafe Teams Feel Like

Here are some common signs my clients describe when psychological safety has gone out the window:

• Team mates spying on timesheets: You're stalked by a colleague, even when you deliver consistently.

• Telling tales and back biting: Whisper networks and back biting the norm and known.

• Jealousy sometimes masked as feedback: Others are threatened by your competence or calm, and it shows in subtle digs, put downs or 'ghosting' or exclusion.

• Climbing the ladder, no matter who gets hurt: It’s all rush-to-the-top energy, with no room for mutual support or consideration for actual talent or skill.

• Sycophantic dynamics: Certain people thrive by cosying up to power, and you’re left feeling invisible – or resented for not doing the same.

• Hoarding knowledge: Instead of sharing, colleagues keep useful information to themselves to stay one step ahead.

• Performative collaboration: Meetings where everyone nods to avoid conflict as they know no-one is willing to change and 'discussions' are really a monologue.

  
  

If any of that sounds familiar, it’s no wonder you’re anxious. But here is the key: that’s not a weakness. It's actually showing you are in touch with your emotional system and sympathetic nervous system warning lights. Feeling anxious in this environment is your body noticing you’re not in a safe pack and that is a good, healthy thing to be able to notice.

🐺 “I Wish I Had a Wolf Pack at My Back…”

Elizabeth Jackson (an engineer and leader in her field) talks powerfully about this idea of a wolf pack — a team where you know someone has your back not a bunch of wolves circling you for dinner. She talks about how a healthy environment at work is one where honesty, support and challenge coexist; where no one is left alone to limp through a bad day. It's good business and it's good for humans.

I have long thought that work should also be therapeutic and help us develop as humans not just spreadsheet skills. We spend more time with work colleagues than our partners awake. It has to be good and healthy for us or not unsurprisingly we feel sh***y.

But for many women I work with, work feels more like a forest of wolves in a threatening way, not a wolf pack. I've had my own experience of it several times in my career and I learned the most healthy response is to just leave if the dynamic becomes too overwhelming. You would not go in a ring with a tiger, why fight a toxic boss or be the runt of a toxic team? My granny always said 'Cream Rises and Sh** sinks - don't worry about it' but that takes time and in the meantime if you have kids to care for or elderly relatives the last thing you need is extra battles!

By the time women decide to come to counselling because of work place toxicity or bullying they often feel:

• Tense and irritable, even on days off perhaps even relationships and health are starting to suffer

• Exhausted from masking and hypervigilance and lack of sleep as the nervous system is on active mode

• Undermined, even though they're competent and losing confidence

• Lonely, because they can’t talk about what’s really happening as they are fearful things will get back

• Ashamed, for not being able to “handle it better” because they may have been shamed and judged for just being who they are

  
  

And here’s that thing again: none of this is often their fault. They didn’t create the culture. It was toxic before they arrived and will remain so after they leave, if they decide to do that.

But they/you are carrying the emotional weight of it.

🧠 Why This Environment Worsens Anxiety

When you work in a system that lacks psychological safety, your nervous system never fully relaxes. You're constantly scanning for threat – often without even realising.

You might:

• Replay emails before sending them – and still feel dread after

• Feel your chest tighten every time you see a Teams notification or a certain person or need to attend a meeting or the office

• Avoid speaking up in meetings, even when you have something valuable to say

• Feel like you’re wearing a mask all day – and it’s starting to crack

  
  

This is not just stress. It’s chronic self-protection. And over time, it can bleed into your sleep, your relationships, your health, and your confidence. It's helpful to address it with a qualified therapist who is familiar with working with anxiety.

🛠 How Therapy Can Help

If any of this resonates, you don’t have to manage it alone. You also don’t have to “fix” yourself to fit a broken environment.

In therapy, we can work on:

• Naming what’s happening – because language brings clarity, and clarity brings relief

• Validating your response – so you stop feeling like you’re overreacting or this is your fault

• Strengthening your boundaries – so you’re less affected by toxic dynamics

• Reconnecting to your confidence – especially if it’s taken a knock

• Exploring next steps – whether that’s surviving where you are or preparing to leave

  
  

Sometimes you need to borrow a calm, clear, steady space while the rest of the world feels chaotic. That’s what I offer.

🌿 You’re Not Weak. You’re Wired for Connection.

It’s not weak to be affected by dysfunction. It’s human. You are meant to feel safe at work. You are meant to thrive in a pack, not survive in a war zone. I'd really like for that to be your take away today. May you know that you are meant to feel safe at work. May you be emotionally and psychologically safe at work. May you have the means to make decisions that will help you.

If you're struggling, I’d love to help you find your footing again — whether that’s by building up your inner safety, navigating a difficult work culture, or finding the confidence to move forward. There’s a way through.

www.mymindfulcounsellor.comSpecialist support for women navigating anxiety, burnout and workplace overwhelm.