Read more to discover insights into healing from a grief, loss, and anxiety counsellor who works face-to-face in your community.
As 2024 draws to a close, I’ve been reflecting on the lessons I’ve learned as a counsellor. These insights, gathered from countless sessions, both face to face, online, by phone or even walking in nature, offer a window into the healing journey many of us take when we start counselling.
Insight 1: Healing Happens Through Small, Consistent Steps
Therapy often features profound moments—like realising fear no longer holds sway or rediscovering hope. Yet, true healing usually always begins with conscious self-kindness.
Many clients tell me their greatest discovery, in therapy with me, is the profound impact of learning just how to care for themselves—whether that’s resting, setting boundaries, or making small positive changes. These foundational steps create the mental and emotional space to begin deeper therapeutic work and that is a key to 'doing the work'.
The key takeaway? Healing requires starting somewhere, even if it feels overwhelming, make a compassionate kind decision each day, for you. These add up..... Therapy can help you learn how to take those first manageable steps toward recovery if you find it hard.
Insight 2: Pacing Is Essential for Progress
Healing is not about diving into pain headfirst; it’s about pacing. This principle of "titration" ensures clients process their emotions gradually, preventing overwhelm. For example, as a counsellor I am careful to encourage us to talk regularly about how you are feeling and the pace we move at. Whilst my role is supporting, I am also there as your counsellor to challenge you - but that is always only when I see the evidence that you have the resources to reflect on the emotional or practical challenges.
In sessions, I always, always prioritise creating a sense of safety. When healing is paced correctly, my clients can then engage fully and deeply with their discomfort, without becoming stuck from exhaustion or further traumatised from exploring issues without being able to regulate and titrate the strong feelings of release.
My advice if you have strong emotional responses is always to seek a trauma-informed therapist who understands how to navigate this delicate process. With my own lived experience of traumatic overwhelm, I truly know the safe healing process and how to help others heal safely.
Insight 3: Reconnecting with Your Inner Wisdom
Grief and trauma can sever our connection to intuition— our inner voice that helps us to navigate life with an inner confidence and reassurance. In many sessions, over the past year, I have helped clients to rebuild trust in themselves and to attune to their own 'gut' feelings and intuition. In therapy, we explore your strengths and insights, what that means and think things through together, ultimately learning future skills for you to foster confidence in your ability to heal in future challenges.
The truth is, you already have what you need to recover. Sometimes, you just need the space, reassurance and guidance to rediscover it.
Insight 4: Connection Heals
Connection—to yourself, kind-others, nature, the divine, or even a pet—is at the heart of healing. Humans are social beings; we thrive in supportive, connected, genuine accepting and protective relationships. Whether it’s a walk in the woods and connecting to nature or the divine or your pet, or a heartfelt conversation with your best friend or therapist, these moments of connection are transformative.
If you’re feeling isolated, start small. There's a reason if you feel disconnected. Usually I see it is from feeling unsafe or overwhelmed, shut down or distant. However, starting small, feeling connected to your garden, or home, a memory of a protective nurturer, even a single trusted person can make a difference. I am able to lead mindfulness sessions around connection and I have found this to be very healing for those who feel isolated, alone, unsupported and shut down.
Insight 5: Curiosity Unlocks Healing
Approaching emotions with curiosity instead of judgment can be a powerful tool. Asking, 'What is this feeling trying to tell me?' helps us explore underlying triggers and unmet needs. I have helped many clients to deal with the shame around their situation and emotional responses. It is very important to work through the energy of shame of our situations, through our counselling sessions, to allow ourselves to instead use the energy, for healing.
Curiosity also brings understanding and further insight. For instance, a parent anxious about their child starting school might uncover fears rooted in their own childhood. Exploring these with curiosity leads to deeper understanding and healing to let go.
Insight 6: Movement, Rest, and the Mind-Body Connection
I have known first hand that grief and anxiety manifest in the body. Gentle movement, like stretching or walking, helps release tension, while rest allows the body to recover. Simple practices—like a bedtime routine or breathing exercises— have had profound effects and impacts over the past year.
In sessions, I incorporate techniques like mindful breathing or movement exercises tailored to each client’s needs. These practices help regulate the nervous system, creating a foundation for healing. Science is showing how trauma is held in the body so working therapeutically to relax and release and restore are usually part of our work together and has been profoundly effective for many clients to feel less exhausted and fearful.
Insight 7: Joy Is a Necessary Part of Healing
Even amidst grief, moments of joy are essential to give you hope and 'time out' from the intensity of suffering. For children, this might mean playing a game or cuddling a pet. For adults, it could be as simple as a favourite cup of tea or gardening to regulate the body again. This is not to say this is simple. Again, I help clients to come to understand that joy is okay and part of the 'dual process' model of grief. Looking for positive moments is healthy and when we see them we need to 'soak' in them for as many seconds or minutes as we can. Again they add up.
These small acts of joy remind us that life still holds beauty and hope. Incorporating them into your routine is a crucial act of self-care and is quite essential to the journey through suffering as they sustain and nourish us, in the midst of finding our way through the mud!
Insight 8: Food and Breath Are Foundations of Wellbeing
Nourishing your body with healthy food and focusing on breathwork can significantly impact your emotional state. Simple breathing exercises, like slow, deep inhales and exhales, help shift the body from stress to calm.
Looking after your physical self supports the emotional work of therapy, making the healing process smoother and more sustainable.
I can teach many different simple breath techniques for you to try and notice how they impact your body which you can then use to help regulate in future.
Insight 9: Mindfulness Anchors Us
Mindfulness encourages us to notice our thoughts and feelings without judgment. In sessions, I teach clients to observe emotions like clouds passing in the sky—acknowledging them without being consumed.
This practice fosters acceptance and allows us to coexist with even the most challenging feelings. It’s been a vital therapeutic tool for navigating grief and anxiety with my clients over the past year. If you want help to learn the techniques, they are easy to learn; I usually 'sprinkle' sessions with new techniques or practices that are relevant as the situations arise where mindfulness based practices might be supportive.
Insight 10: The Right Timing and Commitment
Private therapy offers a unique opportunity to choose a counsellor who feels right for you, at a time that fits your schedule. This flexibility is often not available through charities, workplace EAPs, or NHS referrals, where services may be limited to online or time-limited sessions.
However, private therapy does require a level of readiness, commitment, and financial planning. It’s a journey that takes time and effort, and it’s important to consider whether you are prepared to invest in your well-being in this way.
In my practice, clients often start with an initial single-session therapy session, while others choose to continue weekly, fortnightly, or monthly for up to six months or longer. Based on my experience, weekly sessions for at least the first six weeks are essential for effective change and impact. This means the financial commitment typically ranges from £50 to £200 per month at current rates. Before starting, it’s wise to consider whether this is a sustainable investment for you. Therapy is most effective when it can continue uninterrupted—ending prematurely may leave important issues unresolved.
If finances are a concern, there are other options to explore. Charities and bereavement organisations often provide free or low-cost support, though these services may be limited to online sessions with student counsellors or 'listening volunteers'. The NHS and workplace EAPs also offer time-limited CBT sessions, often online, though waiting lists can apply. Your doctor or occupational health team can provide more information about these services.
Many of my clients choose private therapy because they value the ability to work with a qualified counsellor face-to-face, or they prefer an approach that goes beyond CBT. Others seek help because they don’t want to wait or have found online or time-limited sessions insufficient for their needs.
While private therapy does require financial planning, the rewards are often life-changing. One client shared this reflection: “I didn’t think about what might happen if I started therapy; I thought about what would happen if I didn’t.”
Healing begins with the courage to take that first step. If you’re unsure whether private therapy is right for you, I offer a free consultation chat where we can discuss your needs, the likely number of sessions required, and whether this feels like the right step for you.
Final Thoughts
Healing from grief, trauma, or anxiety is a deeply personal journey. It involves patience, self-kindness, and the support of a trusted guide. By embracing the principles above, small steps, connection, and curiosity, you can take a life transforming path toward growth and wholeness.
If you’re ready to start your healing journey, I’d love to support you. Contact me at mymindfulcounsellor@gmail.com, and let’s take this gentle step toward healing together.
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