This is part of a poem I wrote about my own suffering, several years ago. It explores the extra pain we experience from judgement of others for 'weakness' as we struggle to make sense of our own emotional adaption to overwhelming life circumstances. I was virtually obsessed with how long my healing was taken and it was only a year on! However, now in hindsight I understand that was natural as suffering was so painful. A year ago, today... The weeks have gone: Limped and dissolved With little, simple joys as markers, But, Time has not healed Suffering is still here, Resting and waiting for the 'penny to drop' .... And yet... Pain has: Connected me deeply to others who are also suffering A precious, profound connection that will always be,
Allowing my own hardness and ignorance to melt.
I am connected to those who suffer
With a new, open, softened heart.
Suffering has:
Prompted me to practise new bravery -
To turn my back on the safe, the known and predictable,
Career, status and financial comfort, all gone
Traded because the soul called out for space,
To live authentically: to live with dignity.
Deep pain walked me away From shameful cruelty From those who 'could' so 'did', From cold judgment And blind ignorance, From unkindness. Suffering screams loudly: "I am messy! I am embarrassing! I am painful! Quickly walk on by." But suffering illuminates the hidden soul in others to us..
So thank you to this pain. You Unveiled beautiful, Unconditional compassion A soothing balm Made more tender Against others' responses Of judgement, mockery and unexpected abandonment.
You taught me how to respond to others' pain.
Precious pain
You allowed me to see below my own surface
To what really is my deepest core
The tiny bit of me left
When the rest was all broken
And past.
When you took all of my strength away
When there is no control
When anything could happen next
When even self-belief has vanished
I walked in uncertainty. Groundless.
At the edge of endurance,
Exhausted by consuming anxieties and
Over-powering emotions,
It felt like you left me,
Without even
Me
Anymore.
All that remained
When everything was removed,
stripped down (and now seems long lost),
Is a different reality and a more clear truth.
Pain gives us all these insights
It opens up so many truths
It made me more wise.
These things are the gifts of my suffering... Of all suffering. These are the gifts of my pain Since this day Last year... By Dionne (adapted)
The gifts of my pain were things I could not have learned in a few lifetimes! I realised empty comforts just prolong pain. Only passing through the pain, would bring true reality into focus. And then, I'd never be the same; for better and also for worse, until the journey was fully travelled.
I changed: I held value in different things, in helping others to suffer less and shed things and people and beliefs that were not helpful to me, despite the immense loss, I learned that the storm truly runs out of rain. From surviving towards thriving with the growth that comes from passing through hard times. Like the buffalo who run into the storm, they get out of it quicker. Running from it, like cows do, prolongs suffering and just leads to exhaustion.
I can say with absolute conviction I would not change my life as I am happier not than I have ever been. I am more wise. More compassionate. More appreciative and living more fully. All because of being able to navigate my way into my storms and out the other side. It's why I changed my career and want support others.
With great love and kindness to all who may be suffering, hurting and in pain and with great gratitude to any who compassionately walk with them.
